Heartless or Just Hard of Heart?

All I miss is my beach and my tide pools.. but nothing else?

Why haven’t I gotten homesick yet? I mean I expected to be fine at first, but I didn’t think it was possible to not miss home after three months away. When I first arrived at BYU I relished my newfound freedom. No more midnight curfew, no more asking permission to go anywhere or do anything, no more rules... I was free as a bird. The first couple days I called my parents out of self-imposed necessity, but after those first three days I stopped. I got caught up in the friends, the classes, and the pure fun I was having and forgot to call for about a week straight. They finally called me on my second sunday in Provo and I spoke to them briefly, ending the call after a couple minutes because I had seen some friends. Am I a horrible daughter? Should I find my lack of tears, sadness, and heart-wrenching longing for home disturbing? I have always been independent; I worked two jobs in high school that consumed most of my time, paid for everything but car and phone expenses, applied and paid for college myself, albeit on their credit card. To say my parents were uninvolved in my life would be a grossly incorrect statement, for I was greatly loved and they cared about me as much as my five brothers and sisters. However, I like to be in control and do my own thing.

I’m grateful for my ability to adapt so well to strange and new circumstances, but I maybe a little too comfortable with change. Change doesn’t phase me, it never has. For some reason I don’t fully comprehend the impact or importance of...anything. I often feel like I don’t need anyone or anything, like I could potentially be happy as that crazy 80-year old dog lady (I hate cats) down the street. I want to spend my life traveling, helping people, and fulfilling all my wildest dreams. I often force myself to remember to call home, if only to preserve an increasingly distant parent-child relationship. I do love my parents, really, I’m just not homesick. And at this point, I feel I never will be.